A match made in Weirdsville

Crossovers always sound like a good idea on paper. You take two popular franchises, smash them together and, hey presto, entertainment is born. Or not. At the movies, crossovers have been about as successful as videogame flicks. There’s something seriously wrong with a genre when Mortal Kombat stands as its cinematic apex. As for crossovers, one would assume that Aliens and Predators going at it would be nothing short of violent, mind-throttling splendor. AvP and its sequel have proven otherwise. Similarly, Freddy vs. Jason taught us that two psychopathic, supernaturally-powered mass murderers can, in fact, make for boring company.

It would seem that crossovers are forever destined to flourish only within the realm of video games and comic books. With this in mind, we can begin to make sense of Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, a fighting game due out for PS3 and Xbox 360 on November 16.

To be fair, crossovers have generally fared better in video games. The Marvel vs. Capcom series saw the likes of Wolverine, Spiderman, and Iron Man going up against Ryu, Chun-Li, and Megaman, much to fans’ delight. Super Smash Brothers Brawl saw video game titans Mario and Sonic going toe to toe, with a little Solid Snake thrown in for kicks. The recently released Soul Calibur 4 had Darth Vader on PS3 and Yoda for the Xbox360. As of October 23, gamers will be able to purchase the Star Wars character that didn’t come with their game as downloadable content. The force will be with you for about five dollars.

Still, MK vs DC can’t help but seem like a bit of an oddity. For instance, while it’s possible that Ryu could hold his own against Wolverine, it’s hard to fathom how Superman wouldn’t be able to knock a ninja’s head clean off in one punch. I love Sub-zero, but he’s essentially Mr. Freeze with Kung Fu moves. I know this will cause mental anguish, but think back to the film Batman and Robin. Arnold Schwarzenegger, equipped with an arsenal of ice-themed puns, had a freezing gun plus an army of henchman hockey players, and he couldn’t even beat a nipple-clad George Clooney and Chris O’Donnell. Why Alicia Silverstone was not nipple-clad remains one of the greater cinematic tragedies of our time. The greatest cinematic tragedy is the very existence of the film.

Furthermore, with Batman as a playable character in the game, it will be possible for a player to select the Dark Knight and then pummel the Man of Steel to death. This is an issue. Do I believe that Batman is a better character than Superman? Yes. Do I believe that Christian Bale could take Brandon Routh in a fight? Yes. Do I believe that Bale is more attractive than Routh? Yes, but let’s not linger on that for fear of impugning our masculinity. All I’m saying is that it would seem a little more appropriate if Superman had a one button move where he could, at any given time in the match, hurtle his opponent into the sun. All I’m asking for is a little accuracy.

This raises another issue: Fatalities. Mortal Kombat has never been hailed as a particularly deep or complex fighting series. It’s draw and claim to fame has always been the visceral pleasure of dismembering your opponent after beating him into submission. As such, Fatalities will remain for Mortal Kombat characters and DC villains while DC heroes will merely have Brutalities.

Fatalities, as the name would indicate, involve killing your opponent. The Joker will shoot people in the face and Scorpion will probably light people on fire. The Brutalities will consist of nothing more than a non-fatal beat down, which is a grand shame and a bit hypocritical. Why would you try to keep your characters family friendly in a game renowned for being anything but? Did Capcom refuse to pick up DC’s calls? Besides, I’ve always wanted to throw Liu Kang into the sun. One less crappy Bruce Lee rip-off in the world could only be regarded as a good thing.